Keeping a Happy Marriage

Just engaged! October 2010

So lately when most people either hear about my life or know me well enough to know what I've been up to, the common question is: how do you do it? And most specifically I think they want to know how David and I make it work.

If you're not familiar here's a shortened version: we have a 2 1/2 year old, an almost 2 month old, David works full time and is currently working on his doctorate,  I work part time but also am a stay-at-home Mom (David's work and classes are opposite of my pt job), owning/maintaining a house, two dogs and a cat, etc. Need I highlight the 2 1/2 year old and ALMOST 2 month old?

In all honesty it has been tough. But the short and sweet answer to how we make it work is that we have a strong, supportive, and loving relationship. Yes it's true we are still somewhat "newly-weds" considering this coming July will be year 4 for our marriage, but I would like to think that the beginning stages of a marriage is just as important as 10, 20, 30 and so on years from now!

So, hopefully for your enjoyment I compiled a list of traits, qualities, you name it that help support a healthy, strong, and loving marriage!

And here they are in no particular order:

• Talk! Ask questions as if you just stared dating, show interest, and be ok with silence too ;)
• Give and accept compliments.
• Say "I Love You."
• Ask for help (don't be afraid of sounding needy, admitting when you need help shows trust and teamanship, takes abnormal pressure off you, and keeps bitterness and resentment at bay. If you can't get help exactly how you want it learn to accept the fact or figure out a way to change it).
• Hold hands. The simple act of holding hands provides the simple sense of unity.
• Be intimite. Hugging and beyond. This is something that only you and your partner share, so enjoy it!
• Cook for one another or better yet cook together!
• Write secret notes to be found! Hide them in lunch bags, purses, on top of clothes, etc. Small pieces of papers, letters, cards, or even post-its work wonders! :)
• Sneak into the bathroom when your loved one is taking a shower and write a message on the fogged up mirror! ;)
• Pick up those, "I was thinking of you," gifts! Something as mundane as a pair of socks to delicious as chocolate covered espresso beans. 
• Be spiritual together. Whether that means attending church, praying, or whatever it is that boosts your spirit, do it together. 
• Get physical. Meaning, exercise together! And no I don't mean run on side by side treadmills holding hands, Support each others physical health for a long and happy life! Some fun activities: hiking, kayaking, swimming, running outdoors, gardening, yoga, etc.
• TRUST one another! Trust and love go hand in hand. You do not fully love your partner unless you trust them fully. You are two peas in a pod, peanut butter to his jelly, the bees to his knees, etc. 
• Get "ME" time!! It's important to remember that you are also an individual. If you build yourself as an individual, you will only be more lovable!
• Vacation together even if that means a staycation!
• Be a parental team. Know each others strengths and weaknesses when it comes to parenting, but also don't always dump certain responsibilities on each other like somedays you are in charge of that spider that gets in the house or fixing dinner that is more than a poptart.
• Never go to bed angry, talk it out, wake up feeling loved.
• Laugh together! Luckily David and I totally understand our goofy, silly, and absurd sense of humor! 
• Understand your "love language." There's a variety of ways people show love and expect to get it, such as vocalized, acts, touch, etc. Hopefully before you get into a marriage you have already figured this one out! It can be tough if you're constantly bumping heads on affection.
• Do favors.
• Be polite.
• Be close to other couples. It's fun to show off your partner, do something fun, and laugh!
• Be supportive of your couple relationship, but also to individuality. If you work on your individual self, building it to be better (a never ending quest), it will only strengthen your relationship as a couple. Be supportive, trust and love. 
• Discuss important life decisions. Try not to spring anything big, but also discuss everything even if you're thinking something but are afraid to say it out loud because you fear sounding silly. Remember you are a team.
• Be understanding. We are human and make mistakes. Some people may have unhealthy tendencies. It's important to work on improving them, but in order to do so you need someone who understands, supports, and loves you no matter what.
• Help with grooming! Cut/buzz hair, trim beards, mani/pedi, etc. It's romantic in a weird way! Ha!
• Read together. Surprisingly this quiet, non-interactive time is absolutely adorable.
• DATE NIGHT! Don't forget it! Get those butterflies fluttering! Even if you become regulars on a Friday night at your favorite restaurant. Be you two as a couple without your little cherub angels! ;)
• Take care of yourself! Take care of your health and appearance! The health part hopefully you agree, and yeah the appearance part may sound shallow but I believe that if you spruce yourself up and look good (as simple as a shower, brushing your teeth and wear clean clothes) you will feel good! Build up that confidence and let it shine!
• "Movie" night! In full honesty, David and I haven't been out to the movies since November 2012! It's not that there wasn't a movie we wanted to see, there have been plenty, we just haven't had the opportunity to (or at least we weren't willing to use up our "couple time" on a movie-I imagine when the next Star Wars comes out though we will change our tune haha). But in the meantime we occasionally have a "movie night" at home, but we still build it up with a fun, deliciously unhealthy meal like a pizza or fun treats like popcorn or candy. Oh and there's always cuddling under a blanket! 
• Be honest. Even if you're afraid it'll show an ugly side of you, remember we are always working on improving ourselves as an individual and as a couple.
• Be willing to make sacrifices.
• Oh, I'll leave you with a VERY simple and easy one, but it speaks volumes! Greet one another! When your loved one comes home say for example, "Hello." "How are you?" "I missed you!" "I'm so glad you're home!" "I Love You!" Believe me acknowledging someone's existence is totally worth it! 

Ok, so hopefully I have given you a vast array of helpful, fun, and cute tidbits as to how to keep a happy marriage alive and well whether you've been together 1 or 60 years!

XOXO <3,

MiddleCoastMommy